Balance across the page...

I started helping other authors with their novels in 2008 so I have seen many manuscripts. One of the biggest issues that stands out to me is the imbalance of the essential scene elements. For example: many writers will put a huge chunk of description and then follow that description with several lines of dialogue with no blocking. Such as the following from Midnight Secrets with parts deleted to use as an example:

The white letters spelling out “For Sale” glistened in the morning sunlight, causing Allison

to jerk the wheel quickly to avoid the corner stop sign. What the hell was going on? She pulled to

a stop into a parking spot and yanked her cell out of the center console. Why hadn’t anyone told

her the diner was going up for sale?

“Perry, why is there a for sale sign at the restaurant? Tell me it’s a practical joke,” she boomed

in the phone as soon as her boss answered.

“No joke, Allison. I can’t afford to run it anymore. It’s not bringing in enough income for

me to keep it open.”

“But I made some improvements. People bought stuff off the new menu to take home.” 

“It’s not enough. I’m sorry.”

“What the hell am I going to do? There aren’t any jobs here and working in the restaurant is

the only experience I have.” 

When we read the above passage without any description and actions to the scene, we are left with one big question: What is Allison doing? We don't get much insight on Allison based on this small exchange of dialogue she has with her boss. The problem with this kind of writing is that the readers can't "see" what is happening. They only know what is revealed through the dialogue. If I had left this scene this way the reader probably would've put the book down. To fix the scene it needs some of her internal dialogue and action.

Here is the actual scene:


The white letters spelling out “For Sale” glistened in the morning sunlight, causing Allison
to jerk the wheel quickly to avoid the corner stop sign. What the hell was going on? She pulled to
a stop into a parking spot and yanked her cell out of the center console. Why hadn’t anyone told
her the diner was going up for sale?


“Perry, why is there a for sale sign at the restaurant? Tell me it’s a practical joke,” she boomed
in the phone as soon as her boss answered.


“No joke, Allison. I can’t afford to run it anymore. It’s not bringing in enough income for
me to keep it open.”


Allison crossed her fingers as if she’d turned into a kid and hoped for some good luck. She
took a deep breath and slowly let it out. Here it goes. “But I made some improvements. People
bought stuff off the new menu to take home.” Okay, so it had just been the Carsons, but did Perry
need to know that part of it?


“It’s not enough. I’m sorry.”


“What the hell am I going to do? There aren’t any jobs here and working in the restaurant is
the only experience I have.” She slammed her hands onto the steering wheel. She’d probably have
to move the kids out of Wilson, something she didn’t want to do. New schools, work, neighbors,
and life. It was out of the question. Not only did the kids love it here in Wilson, but she did as well.
Even if her childhood had been a bit rough.

See the difference? In the fake scene, you learned that Allison's job is in jeopardy because her boss needs to sell the place. In the real scene you learned that Allison lives in a small town, working at the restaurant is her only job experience, she is a mother, she'd most likely have to move if the restaurant is sold, and that she is really angry. A few paragraphs of the story paints an ugly picture of a serious situation for Allison.

So how can you tell if your page has all of the elements needed? I suggest printing off your manuscript. Yep, on real paper! Don't use the computer for this technique. You need 4 colors of highlighters. On each page highlight the different elements with a designated color. For example: all of the dialogue will be pink, all the description blue, all of the emotion green, and all of the action will be orange. Go through the page with your highlighters. Do you have mostly orange? You might want to throw in some dialogue or description to help balance out the page. Some scenes will have more colors than others, but you should try to have it as equal as possible.

Thanks for stopping by. Want to find out what happens with Allison in Midnight Secrets? You can find the kindle version at http://www.amazon.com/Midnight-Secrets-ebook/dp/B004GHN46U/ref=pd_rhf_gw_p_t_3